I have struggled with my mental illness for as long as I can recall. I've always felt sort of out of step in my life. The point in between being normal and having a disability. I sometimes catch myself feeling as though I don't necessarily fit into the disabled community, but I don't always fit into the able-bodied community that I am surrounded by either. Feeling this way has always caused some anxiety and depression. It is normal for those of us who have and deal with Cerebral Palsy to experience these type of feelings and emotions on a daily basis, but more than that the BIGGEST PART of my mental illness diagnosis is passed down from my father and is caused by his verbal and physical abuse over the years to both myself and my mother.
Growing up in a household with a father who suffered from Bipolar I disorder was tough. My father chose to neglect his mental illness and not treat it, which in turn caused a lot of rage, anger, and manic episodes. The manic episodes would sometimes last for days and even weeks. During this period is when my mother and I were victims of both physical and mental abuse, My father also suffered from a substance abuse problem, and was addicted to both cocaine and opiates. He suffered from an accidental overdose in 2008, which took a toll on myself mentally. After my fathers death I have experienced more severe symptoms of anxiety, depression and fits of rage as well as instant mood swings. I am a suicide attempt survivor. I have tried to commit suicide twice and was unsuccessful in doing so. Thank you, Lord that I am still here. I was hospitalized for my mental health issues and instant fits of crying rage three times, before I received the proper medical diagnosis. I was diagnosed with severe Bipolar I disorder with mania episodes also linked to my Cerebral Palsy. Unlike my father I treat my mental illness every single day to ensure that I prevent myself from having a severe mania episode. I feel as though Mental Illnesses are something not spoken of or brought awareness to often, depression and anxiety are a real thing, bipolar and mania episodes are a real thing and a real struggle. Having suicidal thoughts is a real thing. if you or someone you know is struggling with mental health or domestic violence please reach out to someone who can help. REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SUFFER IN SILENCE EVERY SINGLE DAY!! THERE IS HELP FOR YOU IF YOU NEED IT!!
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About the AuthorJust a simple small-town girl with big dreams, with an inspiring story to write and share. Archives
December 2020
CategoriesThe LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. |